Spinning

I'm here to warn you this post is primarily negative.   I promise I will try to find the positive at the end because that what you are supposed to do, but right now I'm kind of spinning.

I want to just bullet point all the stressors in my life right now that have kept me in hiding.  Hiding is my defense mechanism when I feel overwhelmed.  I wish it wasn't but I can acknowledge that I do it.  I'm trying to get better at it.  I'm sorry if you've been trying to contact me recently and I've been hiding.  I still love you.

• May has been fun and amazing and busy and overwhelming.
• The first week I went to Massachusetts.  It was one of the most amazing trips of my life and I worked some professional development there that reaffirmed what my teaching goals are.
• The second week I realized that I REALLY wanted to Loop with my class to 4th grade.  In mid-April, I wrote to the Va Dept. of Education to find out what credit hours I need to extend my teaching certification from pK-3rd to pK-6th.  I found out the 2nd week in May. I need a basic math and a basic science.  Ok! I thought.  But in the back of my mind, I was super annoyed at JMU for not telling me.  I mean, I could have knocked those out in a May session or two. Grr.   So within the span of 2 days, I applied and got in (haha) to Northern Va community college and registered for the two courses I need:  a 6 week math course (two nights/week 6p-9:30p on the campus) and an 8 week online course.  
• Third week in May meant a weekend away at the beach and I love the beach.  And I loved the girls I went with.  Also meant the start of my classes.  Also yikes.
• Fourth week in May is now.  It's going to get its own bullets.
• I'm completely overwhelmed taking 7 college credits and working full time at school and planning and getting 3rd graders prepared for SOL tests and ending the school year (18 days).
• I've already fallen behind in my science course and I'm nervous about not being able to catch up.
• I stressed myself out so much about my math test last Monday that I ended up with a sinus infection (which I did beat without medicine) but it took me down for a few days. 
• ALL FOUR OF MY PARENTS have been in the ER over the past week for various maladies.  Most are perfectly fine.  That I have to say Most and not All is terrifying me to my core.  I will reveal absolutely zero details on here except to say that I love my parents and it's absolutely KILLING me to live 3 hours away. 
• My college classes are making me nervous.  They don't end until July 11.   I want to have a summer.  I'm nervous that I won't have much of one.
• Sleep would be nice but are you surprised that I am having trouble doing that?

• You know when you're stressed and stuff just seems a million times worse than it probably actually is?

• Also, there was a dead chipmunk in the backyard.  It was maggoty and I almost vomited.  I did not move it because I couldn't.  Gross.

So yeah, that's where I am.  And you might not know it by looking at me.   Well, you would tonight because it's written all over my face.  Puffy eyes, permanent brow crease, the works.  

Remember when I told you I would find the positive?   well....

I'll find some next week or tomorrow or even later tonight.  I promise.   For right now I have to go for a run because if I don't, I might explode.

Mom said just keep putting one foot in front of the other and only look at one day at a time, not the big picture right now because that's what's stressing me out. 

I know she's right.

One foot.